Dear Amy: My fiancé and I are planning our wedding and have chosen two of my cousins (ages 8 and 14) to be ushers.
Instead of having a traditional flower girl, we decided to have my fiancé’s cousins (who range between the ages of 3 to 6) be the “flower gremlins.”
My family is very upset by this decision and are on the brink of cutting me out of the family.
They really wanted my 8-year-old cousin to serve as a traditional flower girl. That is what they were expecting, but they didn’t realize that my fiancé has other family members that we wanted to also be involved in our wedding.
We explained to them that my cousins will still be just as involved in our wedding as the “flower gremlins.” They will still get ready with the rest of the bridal party, get a corsage/boutonnière, and take pictures with us.
They have cut out members of the family before.
I was already warned by my mom that if I don’t mend relations with my family, then I will meet the same fate.
Overall, my fiancé and I are very hurt by their reactions and want nothing more than their love and support.
How can I mend my relationship with them?
– On the Brink
Dear On the Brink: Even though I don’t really know what a “flower gremlin” is, overall I think your idea of involving all of these children in your ceremony is quite charming.
But decisions about how to design your wedding celebration should not be about my taste – or your family’s.
If you want to dress up like Princess Leia and have the kids be little Ewok attendants – a more loving family would accept and support your choices.
Your family has a history of cutting out family members. If they would do this over something so trivial, then it might be time for you to stiffen your spine, state your very reasonable intentions and expectations, and refuse to let them manipulate and control you.
You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068.