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‘Best friend refuses to come to my destination wedding – she’s so … – The Mirror

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A bride-to-be has been given a reality check after shunning her best friend who cannot afford to attend her ‘destination’ wedding. The 32-year-old explained how she lives in a different country with her fiancé – but is planning to tie the knot in their home country to make it easier on their guests.

Taking to Reddit, she said: “We intend on having the wedding in our home country, which is a two and a half hour plane ride away. This is mainly due to the fact that both my fiancé and I have multiple elderly relatives that cannot travel and who would most definitely miss the wedding.

“We both want these people to attend, and they want this too, so we decided that it would be best to get married in our native country. Most of our friends live abroad as well, but are excited at the idea of what for them would be a ‘destination wedding‘ and already confirmed attending, although we are in the very, very early stages of planning. So far so good.”

She said she spoke to her friend, who she’s known for 13 years, about attending, explaining it was always their dream to go to each other’s nuptials. However, when told the wedding planning had begun and that it would take place in a year-and-a-half’s time, her friend said she and her husband had a talk and that it would be too expensive for them.

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She added: “I was shocked because while I know they have a loan for a house and an eight-month-old baby, her husband actually earns a decent salary, while she is on parental leave. So, while I do not claim to know everything with regard to their finances, I do know that they are not exactly “scraping the barrel” and have a fair amount of disposable income.

“I didn’t tell her anything yet, but I felt really hurt that they just decided something so final, without even asking for more details, so they could at least have some actual numbers to work with. Heck, I told her I don’t even want a wedding present. I even insisted and said I could chip in for the plane tickets, since it meant a lot to have her there. But she simply refused.

“My fiancé has friends flying in from Asia and the US all the way to Europe to attend, who aren’t exactly rich, yet my best friend simply drops my wedding, like it’s nothing, by text, without batting an eyelash. I am profoundly upset. Fact of the matter is that she is a lawyer and her husband is a well-paid software developer.

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“Their finances are obviously their business and I respect that, but I do feel a bit concerned regarding how much she values our friendship when, as alleged best friends, you immediately decide you won’t come, without you even being able to at least ballpark the costs of the potential expenses yet, or asking any follow-up questions to show that you are indeed trying to make a calculation. And you just showed me you bought two pairs of Jimmy Choos that cost six times as much as it costs to attend my wedding.

“This reason is totally legitimate for everybody else, and I really couldn’t care less what other people give for a reason for not coming. But it feels quite odd when you are left to feel that your friend values sharing a very special moment with you less than a pair of fancy new shoes.”

But users of the site were not in agreement with the poster, with one saying: “When you plan a destination wedding, you plan it with the knowledge that you are picking a place over people. Some people will not be able to attend. You don’t get to nit-pick and criticise someone else’s finances, and what they choose to spend their money on, and a destination wedding is NOT a reasonable ask. It’s fine if people can do it, but you don’t get to guilt someone for not wanting to travel, when they have young children, and waste their time and money on your party.”

While another said: “Even if they ‘have’ the money, it’s a big ask for them to spend it on your wedding, which could be held somewhere they’d not choose to go otherwise. They might want to plan their own vacation or any other number of things with their money. Your reasons for having the wedding where you are make sense, but you’ll need to accept that the people not living in that country likely won’t be able to join, and don’t hold it against them.”

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