“My parents won’t attend my wedding”
My parents won’t attend my wedding, and here’s why:
SHORT STORY: At 24(f), I find myself in a heartbreaking situation – my parents won’t be at my wedding. The reason? I refused to invite their friends, (I’ll call them the Scotts,) who made my life a living hell during the year I lived in their guest house.
From false accusations to disrespecting my fiancé, things reached a breaking point. Fast forward to wedding planning, and the Scotts became a point of contention. When I stood firm on not inviting them, it led to a family fallout. Despite my attempts to mend things, my parents are boycotting the wedding.
LONG STORY: In 2021, fresh out of college, I moved to a new state for a job. Facing high rent, the Scotts, family friends of my parents, offered me their guest house for a mere $300 a month. Little did I know, this seemingly sweet deal would lead to a year of turmoil.
The Scotts, long-time friends and business partners of my parents, had three kids. As soon as I settled in, the Scott’s became excessively involved in my personal life, particularly my relationship.
The situation took a dark turn as they fabricated scenarios to my parents, accusing me of promiscuity, rarely being home, and even planning to secretly move in with my boyfriend.
Their disdain for my boyfriend was palpable – treating him with passive-aggression, condescension, and even making derogatory comments about him being adopted.
The interference escalated with “family meetings” where they labeled me as a poor influence on their teenage daughter, criticizing my boyfriend (whom they had met only three times). And I have to add, my bf and I don’t drink or smoke and both have careers – my bf is a perfectly good man and was always respectful to them despite their poor treatment.
The “dad” of the Scott family went to the extent of sharing his marriage problems and lack of a love life, blurring the boundaries of landlord-tenant/inappropriate relationships.
The breaking point came when the fridge in the guest house broke, and they insisted I foot the bill for a $900 replacement. Their influence over my parents was significant, as my parents rarely had my back and sided with the Scotts, constantly belittling my boyfriend without reason.
By the end of 2022, I decided to move out with some girlfriends of mine, leaving without saying goodbye to avoid further confrontation. Fast forward to the summer of 2023, my boyfriend and I were living together in a new state, and he proposed.
To my surprise, when he asked my parents for their blessings, they were supportive and enthusiastic. My parents were even flown out to witness our engagement.
As we delved into wedding planning in the fall of 2023, my fiancé’s parents generously offered to finance the wedding. Strangely, my mother declined involvement in the planning, claiming she hated it.
Despite repeated invitations from myself and my future mother-in-law, she insisted we handle everything on our own, a departure from the typical involvement of the mother of the bride. My MIL did fly my mom out to NY for wedding dress shopping which was fun, but my mother insisted on the trip that this was all she wanted to do.
Winter 2023 brought a text from my dad, urging me to invite the Scotts. I respectfully declined, citing the distress it would cause me on our special day. This refusal triggered a nuclear war within the family.
My parents, adamant about the Scotts’ inclusion, declared they wouldn’t attend the wedding. My dad accused me of starting my happy life by destroying his, and my mother uninvited me to Christmas.
In attempts to salvage the situation, I apologized and tried to explain my decision. However, my parents were unreceptive, hurling insults and baseless accusations claiming my side of the family has been “cancelled”. My mother then flipped the scripted and threatened to expose details on social media of my disrespect to the family if I didn’t show up for Christmas.
Despite exchanging Christmas and birthday greetings via text, I’ve not spoken to them about the situation. The pain of their absence and the harsh words lingers as I approach my wedding day. I’m confused, I’m guilty, I’m in pain. The fallout, all because I refused to invite the Scotts.
EDIT: we are having a destination wedding and the festivities will begin 3 days prior to the wedding. So if caved in and invited the Scotts, I would have to endure up to 4 days of them.
I don’t want to walk around the resort and turn around and have to see them and instantly get into a bad mood. Also, I am afraid if my parents decide to show up without the Scott’s that they will cause drama. ;(
Here were the top rated comments from readers after the OP’s initial post:
Girl, drop the rope, marry the guy and live happily ever after without these terrible people from who you got your DNA. Narc will do anything for an outsider at the expense of their family. They’ve shown you who they are, they suck.
200%. It is important to keep up appearances with the Scott’s. Nothing else matters but their reputation with these people. Drop that rope!
The OP responded here:
I forgot to add in that my mother went on a rant about how my future MIL and I purposefully cut her out of any wedding planning participation and that we manipulated her.
Really, Sweetie, this is your wedding gift, and you won’t get a nicer one. Your wedding will be stress-free because your lousy parents and their wretched friends won’t be there to cause any drama. You and your husband are now free to live your best lives. Blessings going forward!
It seems like the Scott’s are still meddling as well. You shouldn’t feel guilty after they tried to control and lie to your family. That’s insane! I hope they see them for what they are.
11 days later, the OP returned with an update.
“UPDATE: My parents won’t attend my wedding”
Context from my original post: At 24(f), I find myself in a heartbreaking situation – my parents won’t be at my wedding. The reason? I refused to invite their friends.
Update: I woke up this morning to a bunch of texts from my mother. She demanded that i end my engagement, cancel the wedding, quit my job, and move back to their home.
She started saying things like “I know you’re unhappy. It’s okay, you tried. Now it’s time to come home. You have some maturing you need to do.” This irks me so much.
My parents literally gave their blessings for my marriage 6 months ago. Now they want me to change my entire life because they’re mad they didn’t get their way. I responded and said this is my life and if they don’t want to respect my decisions, that’s on them. But I am in utter shock. I am financially independent of my family…I have a great job, loving partner. How do parents come up with this nonsense?
Here were the top rated comments from readers after this latest update from the OP:
Personally, I think I’m at the point in life where I would reply. Thank you for the perspective, you’re right, I am unhappy, and I have tried. I really thought you had the potential to be better parents but I guess not. I do not see how moving back in with you, the problem, would fix anything except cause me even more distress.
Thank you for the insight and I’m sorry that you won’t be at my wedding, but actually it’s probably for the best, you are causing me the most unhappiness right now and I am done trying to please you, I know after trying that it is a futile endeavour. Partner and I will have a great time celebrating with people who chose to support us and love us unconditionally. Good night.
Narcissists often have a strong need for control and validation. When they perceive a loss of control or if things don’t go their way, they may react with manipulation, guilt-tripping, or attempting to assert dominance.
In this case, your mother’s demands may stem from a desire to control your life choices and maintain a sense of authority. It’s essential to establish and maintain boundaries for your well-being.
“Update: I woke up this morning to a bunch of texts from my mother. She demanded that i end my engagement, cancel the wedding, quit my job, and move back to their home.”
Do none of these parents have hobbies?
They do, its called controlling their children to their graves 😀 mfs will live to 110 just to be sure they can bury their children, or at least drain the offspring of their money because they won’t go to a retirement home.
“I changed your diapers you will change MINE!”
Waiting for the plot twist where OP’s parents are in some kind of polygamous ménage with the Scotts.
With the way Mr Scott overshared about his troubled marriage and lack of a sex life I wonder if OP’s parents cut a “deal” with Mr. Scott for exclusive, uhhhh rights to their daughter…
Did OP’s parents secretly sell her to Mr. Scott? All the control and creepy vibes and attempts to break up her relationship and keep her at the house and under their eyes…