Man Backed for Telling Stepdaughter Her ‘Dead Dad’ Can Pay for Her Wedding – Newsweek

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Blended families are becoming more and more common but that doesn’t mean they come without challenges. One man has recently shared how his stepdaughter has never liked him, even after 10 years.

Racking up 13,000 upvotes and a sea of support, the man took to Reddit with a post titled: “AITA for telling my step-daughter she can have her dead dad pay for the wedding.”

User TrashFeeling5171 explained that his wife was divorced from an “addict” with three kids when they met, all of whom didn’t mind him, but Kelly, who is now 27, disapproved of the relationship and her feelings of resentment grew stronger when her dad passed away.

A stock image of a stressed bride holding her head. The internet understand why the step dad is refusing to fund his stepdaughter’s wedding.
A stock image of a stressed bride holding her head. The internet understand why the step dad is refusing to fund his stepdaughter’s wedding.
shevelev2005/iStock/Getty Images Plus

Speaking about the start of their relationship, he said: “She [threatened] to run away if I married their mom. So I stayed away but continued to date their mom. Over time the two other kids started to stay at my place [to] get away from the drama. It was a rough time for them and we bonded even more.”

When the daughter turned 18, the man married her mom, much to Kelly’s dismay.

He said: “The other kids were happy though. Every interaction I have had with her has been unpleasant and I don’t see her as one of my kids. I eventually adopted her siblings when they were 16 and 17. They asked me. During that time she destroys a lot of her sibling’s stuff for betraying their dad.

“Now I rarely see her and I prefer it that way. The two kids have a on-and-off relationship. I paid for my two kids weddings.”

According to wedding planner site The Knot’s real wedding survey, the average combined wedding ceremony and reception spend was $35,000. The study also found that on average, parents contribute to 51 percent of the wedding budget, while couples cover the remaining 49 percent.

He wrote: “I got a call from her asking me to pay for her wedding since I paid for the other two. I told her no. This started an argument about how it’s unfair. I had enough and told her to have her dad pay for the wedding. She hung up after some lovely names. I may have gone too far which makes me a jerk.”

Expert Advice

Parenting expert Ana Aznar, a London-based child psychologist, told Newsweek that stepparents shouldn’t “take it personally” if a child dislikes you.

“The child probably does not dislike the stepparent but the new situation they have to get used to. A situation that they have not chosen and they probably don’t like,” said Aznar, the founder of REC Parenting, an online platform supporting parents and caregivers.

“In this case, the situation seems to be worse because the stepfather is very close to the other siblings. Children tend to judge it as unfair when they think they are not being treated equally to their siblings. This may fuel feelings of resentment towards their siblings and in this case, the stepfather. It is always important to understand the child’s perspective and then discuss as a family how to solve the situation.

“When relationships, such this one, are failing, the focus should be on repair. This could look like: ‘We are not getting on and this situation is hurting ourselves and the rest of the family, what can we do about it? How do we move forward?’ In cases such as this one, when the relationship seems to be very deteriorated, it would be a good idea for them and even for the whole family to see a family therapist.”

Reddit Reacts

So far, the post has received 1,800 comments in the two days since it was posted on June 5, and one has received 15,000 upvotes.

It said: “Yeah it was a stupid, hurtful and immature thing to say, but I get it. I understand this was the oldest girl and probably closest to her father and of course, she probably resented the divorce, but that’s something you should grow out of. Once her father died, you’d think it might’ve opened up her heart a little, but apparently that was not to be. And you know, so be it. It’s her life. It’s her choice. But it takes a lot of balls to then come skipping back and wanting you to pay for her wedding!! I don’t blame you for refusing, but I am curious as to what your wife thinks. A tiny YTA on the comment. a big NTA on not paying for the wedding.”

The user responded: “Yeah it was petty. Thinking about it, it was resentment building up for how many times I just took her anger. It was like finally standing up to a bully. After so many years of taking it it sure felt great to give it back no matter how petty it was.”

“You had the right to explode, but don’t expect her to ever even attempt to maintain a relationship with you now, and don’t be shocked if her mother loses a lot of contact too. I’m gonna say NTA given the circumstances, but you implicated more people here than just yourself,” said another user.

Newsweek reached out to u/TrashFeeling5171 for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.

Has a wedding come between your relationship with a loved one? Let us know via [email protected]. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.

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Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.

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