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My mother-in-law ceases contact with me after my wedding – VnExpress International

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My husband and I are both 34 years old and childless. He is the eldest of his siblings, with one younger brother and two younger sisters, and is known for his gentle nature and devotion to his family, seldom making demands for himself.

Although my husband deeply loves me, his family rarely communicates with me, and there’s no social interaction between us.

Before tying the knot, he used to give all his earnings to his parents, and he generously supported his siblings whenever they needed financial help. Notably, he once donated VND10 million (US$393) to his youngest sister when she was pregnant and giving birth, which was quite a substantial amount.

The money left from his salary was held by his sister and returned to us just before our wedding, although I’m aware it was only a portion of what he had given her. We paid for our wedding expenses ourselves, with my family also contributing support. On the other hand, his parents had already mentioned they couldn’t contribute financially.

The first time he introduced me to his family at his sister’s home in the city, where his mother was staying to care for her grandchildren, everyone seemed genuinely happy and welcoming. However, tensions arose during our wedding planning when my husband’s mother suggested we hold the wedding on a Saturday instead of Sunday. This change was prompted by his sister’s preference to rest on Sunday before her workweek.

We disagreed, insisting on Sunday to better accommodate our friends and both families, leading to his sister not speaking to us since.

During last year’s Tet Lunar New Year holiday, which was shortly before our wedding, we visited his parents to bring gifts and money. The visit was pleasant until his mother advised me that we needed to be at their home on the last day and the first day of the lunar calendar, explaining that this was a precaution because the other women in the house could be difficult.

Her remarks shocked me, and I considered calling off the wedding. However, as we consulted with his eldest aunt, she assured us that their family had no tradition of making sacrifices on those days, and it was sufficient to meet with the extended family on the second day of the Lunar New Year. This resolved the issue peacefully.

Our wedding day was held at my husband’s ancestral home in his hometown, and we stayed there for a night before returning to the city the following day. His mother didn’t make any special preparations for that night, leaving us to sleep on the floor using mats and blankets typically used by others for country visits.

We returned to the city the following day without any farewell from his mother. Since then, she has not made any contact with me. Even this year, despite my giving money to his parents and VND1 million to his niece for new year’s shopping, his sister did not acknowledge our gift.

We currently live in a rented house, while my husband’s youngest sister owns a small but newly renovated house in the city center, a gift from her aunt and has been vacant since her marriage. Despite this, my in-laws have never proposed that we move there to save the nearly VND7 million we spend monthly on rent.

My husband is sociable but has struggled professionally and frequently changes jobs. He had nothing when we met, and since our marriage, he has switched jobs twice, leading to an unstable income and no savings.

Due to these issues and the treatment from his family, we often find ourselves in conflict. He remains silent, understanding my position but unable to influence his family.

I’ve read about challenging relationships between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law but never expected to experience it myself. It’s been deeply troubling, even affecting my dreams and overall mental and emotional health.

My friends encourage me not to let his family dynamics overshadow the love my husband has for me. They believe love should suffice. However, I feel that unless I come to terms with the reality of my in-laws and stabilize my emotions, our disputes will persist and possibly intensify if we reconcile.

Am I justified in thinking this way?

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