DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My first real boyfriend also happens to be the son of my parents’ best friends. We grew up together and were a couple for about three years. It was a running prediction from both sets of parents we would get married and they could be co-grandparents to our babies.
We made it halfway through college still together and then he met somebody else and dumped me unexpectedly, at least to me. It caused a break between our parents as well, and they were never again as close, even though they are friends again, but not like they used to be.
Because his parents are invited to my wedding, along with their daughter and her husband, my mother thought we should invite Mark, my old boyfriend.
My fiancé only met him a few times during visits to my parents’ during the holidays, when the two families still get together.
To say Dave hates Mark doesn’t begin to cover it. He was sure Mark was making a play for me the whole time we were all in town for the holiday week.
I told him no way was I interested in Mark and haven’t been since we were much younger and he stomped my heart, but it still upset him, and Mark could not possibly have missed the tension. I know the rest of the two families didn’t miss it. My mother and father saw it for sure.
We just heard Mark has accepted the invitation and is coming with no plus one. That makes Dave even more convinced he is going to try and do something. I told him he is being ridiculous, but that only made him more defensive and sulky.
Should I have my mother suggest to Mark’s mother he take a pass and not show at the wedding to keep the peace? — ONE GUEST TOO MANY
DEAR ONE GUEST TOO MANY: I think that would be the wrong thing to do on several levels.
Putting the burden of revoking the invitation through Mark’s mother puts both families in an unnecessarily awkward position. It wouldn’t be fair to Mark’s family or your parents to ask that of them.
Next up, just because Mark is coming solo, it doesn’t mean he’s looking to pry into your relationship with Dave.
Finally, you had a life before you were with your fiancé. Mark was part of that life right into your early adulthood. If your future husband has trouble with Mark or other old flames, how will he deal with any real or imagined admirers you may encounter in your new life together?
Jealousy is the enemy of any long-term relationship. Hopefully Dave will learn to get his jealous tendencies under control, for everyone’s sake.