QUESTION: I am getting married in January. Should I invite all the people I work with? What if I only invite a few of them and the others get their feelings hurt? Should I invite my boss?
CALLIE’S ANSWER: This is your wedding, invite who you want to be there and support you. Best wishes!
LILLIE-BETH’S ANSWER: Unfortunately, this is less of an etiquette question and more of a personal choice, based on how close you are to your coworkers, worries about hurt feelings and your budget and space for wedding guests. There is no set answer to this but you have to make hard decisions about what makes sense to you. You can consider how close you are to your coworkers, whether the invitation matters to your supervisors (like whether they, as your bosses, will be upset if you don’t include them), whether you want them to be there to celebrate your big moment, whether you have a defined group in your office like a department, how large or small your company is or other matters. Yes, some people who thought they were close to you might feel excluded if they don’t get an invite, but if you don’t have the budget or room to invite everyone and a guest, then you might have to cut them from your list. Keep in mind not to invite anyone to a wedding shower that isn’t invited to your wedding; that part is a question of etiquette. The rest is a choice, even if it’s a difficult one.
HELEN’S ANSWER: If there is a small number of co-workers in your office, it would be great for you to invite them all. If you are in a large office, then people will understand that you can’t invite everyone. Then, only ask the ones you work closely with every day. Some of them might have helped you plan your wedding. If you are great friends with your boss or immediate supervisor and work directly with him or her every day, then an invitation is in order.
GUEST’S ANSWER:Linda Miller, former fashion editor at The Oklahoman: Take into consideration the budget and the number of people you work with. If you only have a few co-workers, you might want to consider inviting everyone including your boss … especially if you have a friendly relationship outside the office or have worked together for years.
If it’s strictly 9 to 5 with no mingling outside the office or occasional conversation about anything but work, no, you do not have to invite any or all. It’s your wedding. Surround yourself with the people you want to be there and that you know want to to be there.
Since 2009, Callie, Lillie-Beth and Helen have written this generational etiquette column. They also include guest responses from a wide range of ages each week. So many years later, Callie is 20-plus; Lillie-Beth is 40-plus and Helen is 60-plus. To ask an etiquette question, email [email protected].