Wedding Etiquette: Who hosts the bridal shower, last minute invites and more – WOAI

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Wedding Season is in full bloom and although it’s an exciting time, planning and executing a wedding is tricky. Etiquette Expert Diane Gottsman is here with all the tips to help you avoid wedding day dilemmas. To alleviate some quandaries and address some specific dilemmas, we have collected some questions from brides, the mother of the bride and groom and the wedding party.

Question: Once and for all, who is NOT supposed to host a bridal shower? When I research online, the answers are all over the place and I don’t want to make the wrong move. I am the future mother-in-law and would love to host a small shower for my son’s fiancé. My sister says it’s a definite “No” for me to host. What is the final word?

Answer: While today’s rules are more relaxed, and it is not going to result in an etiquette tragedy for the mother-in-law to host a shower. But if there is another option, someone else should take the lead. Unless your daughter-in-law lives out of town and you want to invite a few people over to meet her and shower her with love. While a “mother” can certainly host, it still feels somewhat as if you are pandering for gifts.

I suggest you offer to cover the costs, or be a silent partner, contributing to the shower, and allow someone outside of the parent group to host the shower. The final word, it’s not a definite ‘no’ under some conditions, but it would be better coming from a close friend, a more distant family member, or someone in the wedding party.

Question: I have two sisters and don’t want to choose between them on who is going to be the Maid of Honor. Would it be okay to ask both of them?

Answer: Absolutely. It’s important to do exactly as you please at your own wedding. Having both sisters stand with you as your Maid of Honor will be a special and memorable moment. The pictures will be adorable!

Question: My daughter is getting married and I want to wear a lovely, tasteful, gold dress. Is gold too close to ivory or white when it comes to wedding guest attire? The last thing I want to do is offend my daughter – the bride!

Answer: Gold is a beautiful color, and as long as the dress doesn’t look like you are the one getting married, and your daughter approves, it’s perfectly fine for you to “do you.”

Question: I have a question about last minute invites. Some of our RSVP’s have backed out and we have room for other people we didn’t originally invite. When is it considered too late to invite the B group?

Answer: It’s never too late to invite people you care about but weren’t able to invite. Simply tell the truth, “As you know we had to limit our guest list, but we have had some last minute cancellations. We would love for you to take their place if you are available.” Don’t put pressure on someone but let them know you’d love for them to attend. “If possible” allows them to make the decision without feeling put upon at the last minute.

Question: When do you tip the wedding vendors? Before, during or after the reception takes place?

Answer: Best time to tip the vendors is towards the end of the reception when things are winding down and gratuity won’t get lost. First, check to make sure gratuity has not already been included. Put it in a separate envelope and have the wedding planner, a trusted friend, someone in the wedding party, or a parent hand the envelopes out.

Question: Is a tip jar customary at the bar during the reception?

Answer: Bartenders add 15 to 20 percent to the total bar bill with the understanding that a jar at the bar is not suitable for such an occasion.

Diane Gottsman
National Etiquette Expert

This post was originally published on this site

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